Living: Lost and Found

Change

2012-01-30T14:13:00.003-07:00

i'm still adjusting
to this my unexpected perfect home
still finding it dreamy
and content
but somewhat shattered by the
completeness of the changes.
the loneliness surprises me
making me wonder if
the task is to get more comfortable being
free to know myself truly
or if i need to practice being
free to be myself anywhere.

I don't normally drink at work...

2012-01-30T10:37:00.004-07:00

Today is threatening very convincingly to kick my ass. That is all.

No Pain

2012-01-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

Almost a week ago now, someone with some standing in the medical profession told me that I should not expect to be pain-free in the future. Ever. And I cried all the way home from the appointment. Her reasoning was that people who struggle with chronic pain for as long as I have - almost 8 years - don't tend to get back to a pain free existence. I wasn't prepared to hear that, so I also wasn't really able to articulate my response well. But my basic thought was - you're talking to someone who's not even 30. And that's basically insane to say or hear.

Besides, I'm still waiting for someone to actually know what's going on with me. And I'm not willing to just accept prescriptions without diagnoses. Sure, maybe someday I'll decide that diagnoses are not out there. Not yet. I am still putting pieces together. What I think I understand is that I have really stretched out connective tissue (joint hypermobility syndrome) and poor circulation/muscle recovery system. They're currently calling this fibromyalgia (those who choose to call it anything), but to me that is supposed to be connected to being tired all the time which I am decidedly not. But my movements (especially repetitive ones) easily flare up my connective tissue and muscles because they're not held in place well, and then they have trouble recovering.

The only useful part of this ridiculous conversation was that she suggested that I think of this as something I have to manage daily. Now of course I already DO manage it daily. I adjust my activities based on my pain. I respond when it gets bad enough. But instead, what I heard from her was that it might be better to be more proactive. Do my stretches and exercises every day. Take ibuprofen and ice to help with healing anytime I overdo it even a little, instead of waiting for spasms and constant discomfort after a week or so of overuse. Plan ways to minimize use of my body in painful ways to the maximum extent possible.

Today I cried to my husband that my pain was stealing two things I love dearly - writing, for one. The other one (and not the subject of this post) has to do with intimacy with my husband. So I am not writing as much right now because I'm working on reducing computer time in order to heal. I'm sad about this. But I'll be back when I can be. And I know that the words will just have to keep themselves neat and tidy in my head for when it's time to get back on the wagon again.

And for you: May you enjoy a pain free day. Every day.

How to Celebrate

2012-01-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

My 30th birthday is just a few months away. And it's basically all I can think about - so many options for how to make it fun and festive and a community affair. One major constraint is that a best friend is getting married 3 weeks prior so there will have just been a fair amount of travel for one segment of my friends... making it hard for me to ask them to travel here for a party right afterwards. But gathering my favorite people is my ideal way to celebrate.

Other ideas so far:

-fancy fancy meal with bottle of wine and good friends

-dinner and a show in NYC

-go to amusement park (with nieces and nephews?)

-house party with lawn games/bbq

-day on the lake (sailing?)

-camping trip with rafting

-spa day and movie night

-beach day and fancy dinner

-concert

-stay at a fancy hotel

What brilliant ideas am I missing, friends??

2012-01-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today is goal day. Here I thought goal day would happen when I got back to work on the 6th, but instead it was catch up from being gone for two weeks for the holidays day. Week. Month, I mean. But today, I'm finally writing down some goals for my work team for the next month, and then I'm going to delegate so everybody knows what the game plan is. And that I'm not going to be the only one doing work around here anymore. I joke. I love my team.

For you, fair readers, I can only give you some tidbits today. For one - go set some of your own goals! I like monthly goals, but if you're feeling like today is overwhelming maybe start with weekly goals. Or even just two things you want to accomplish today. (Note: if you attempt to set more than two things on your daily to do list, I just bet they won't happen. Unless they are 1) lunch, and 2) dinner. But even those take effort and organization to pull off, amiright?)

Here's a nice set of visuals for making your weekly calendar more organized. I've yet to implement but long to do the stickies for each person list. Key when you work with a team/have a family/etc.

If you're having trouble squeezing your work into your work day, rethink your work day. Do what I do and be ok with a little emailing on the weekend or evenings. Just limit it - my rule is no more than once a week do I put in extra hours out of the office. Or commute for part of the day so you can be there for important time with your kids.

I've been struggling with the limitations of time. Having a routine has helped me realize that I really do have to make choices about how to spend my days if I want to get certain things done. There are really only so many hours in the day. And I really do like to spend at least 8 of them sleeping. But sacrificing some of my precious unstructured time (but not all. God, who do you think I am??) in order to accomplish things like laying a foundation for my career or ensuring I keep in touch with close friends is worth it. It's just finding that balance that is so key.

Finally, here's your daily random health tidbit - stop drinking soda. There are lots of things going around the internet about new studies, but really... do you need studies to tell you that drinking artificially flavored, carbonated corn syrup with caffeine is unhealthy? I thought not.

PS. I found this (see January 20) and I had to share it. I am very tired of Ms. Flanagan, and this is just what the doctor ordered!!!

So you see

2012-01-20T14:56:00.003-07:00

Hi. How's it going? Snowy here. Which is nice.

Let's get to it. There were points this week when I just wanted to turn away from my life and go hide in a corner. I despise those moments, or at least I used to. I like to feel a love of life palpable in my soul, every day. This week I got the message that perhaps I should say "thank you" to those really hard moments/days for what they are teaching me, even when I can't see it clearly. I got that message when I really didn't understand it, but in trusting the messages that come from within, I went for it. I said thank you during a really rough moment. It felt weird. But sometimes a little something different is good when you're feeling stuck.

Then, at the end of one of the particularly difficult days, the things I had been aching for were overflowing in front of me. That theme has since repeated throughout the week. A morning that started with total communication disaster with the hubs ended in sweet sweet bliss.

Today, after a major part of yesterday was spent thinking that there was just no way I could keep doing my work in any sort of productive or functional fashion... today I have gotten 3 major MAJOR kudos on my work. A huge compliment from someone I greatly respect (and in a position of importance) about the writing in a workbook I wrote. Which is funny, since I happened to be feeling quite insecure about my writing lately. An invitation to give an all expenses paid keynote address in Mexico (it's going to take me a while to wrap my head around that one). And then galley proofs of my first first-author publication. For what it's worth, it feels like I hit the freakin jackpot. (Not only that, I'm going to a disco/limbo party later tonight!)

I have to believe that the blessing of those moments of strife is the realization that we all suffer for our gains. We all doubt ourselves. I must remember that everyone has dark moments that they need help getting out of. And remember that everyone deserves to experience the feeling of serious recognition for their efforts at least once. Cause it's a pretty rad feeling. Gives meaning to your days, and all that, to know you're doing something that is connecting with people.

You see, or at least I see, that there is always reason for hope. That even in dark days, there is light ahead. And the light at the end of the tunnel is not always just a train. ;)

Idealism Fatigue

2012-01-18T14:52:00.002-07:00

I guess in all the hullabaloo when I was a kid about following your dreams, there wasn't a lot of emphasis on the work it might take to do that. And in being encouraged to change the world, there wasn't a lot of talk about how hard changing things is.

Which is to say, I'm a wee bit tired today. I'd like to own that and welcome anyone else to own that feeling too, if you're having it. My email inbox at work and at home are making me not want to open my eyes. My working to assume the best about everything and everyone is starting to feel contrived. My fantasy that I am up for doing anything anytime is clearly untrue. My thought that I know my patterns well enough to be able to concoct the "perfect" routine was mistaken.

This is hard.

That is all.

Someone Who Gets Me

2012-01-16T11:04:00.004-07:00

I am finding that as you get older, there is a definite joy in finding yourself coming full circle on things. Writing, for example. The fact that I actively (ok, not so much the past few weeks, but you know...) write on a blog, write at my job, and am trying to figure out how much writing will comprise my career (though clearly a significant part) means that my early early days of writing stories and poems as a single-digit person were not for nothing. And this is just one of a myriad of ways in which my life is maturing, which in my dictionary means my life is bringing to fruition things that were just little seeds when I was younger. Which supports my theory that everything is happening with a purpose and meaning, even if we don't know what that is, exactly.

Some more examples...

Having a husband who loves to spend time with me on designing and re-designing our living space completes my young obsession with drawing up my own architectural plans and getting a subscription to House Beautiful at 12. Which I may or may not have just signed up for again.

Also, I spent a lot of time on my bike and climbing trees when I was a kid. And then I spent a lot of time in schoolrooms and buildings being a student as a teenager. But I'm glad to see that my love for the outdoors has found many a home in my adult life - hiking, backpacking, canoeing, running, mountain biking, and just exploring in general.

Unfortunately for my mother, my claims as a young teenager that I "would definitely not be having kids" appear to be, at least potentially, true. Although the advice in this (great) article suggests perhaps it is just some brokenness that is keeping me from moving forward. But let's be frank - I have observed from both sides of the marriage coin that, generally, married people get pregnant by their 2nd wedding anniversary. And, um, here's to year 3?? And let's just say that joke we have about naming our child Wilfred Ernst - was 100% created in order to distract during the continual line of questioning about when exactly we'll be procreating. And is NOT related in any way to any buns in any ovens in this household. 'Cause the oven is decidedly not cookin right now. Decidedly being decided by us. :) On the other hand, I'm super thrilled to have more than a dozen nieces and nephews to relate to on a regular basis. (See years of babysitting...)

And for those who didn't know me in college, the fact that I am suddenly a(n unofficial) Quaker may seem random. But it is not. It is the result of years of learning to live in Quaker-styled community, enjoying meditation, and being raised in progressive Christianity. And, you know, really really liking silence. And being tired of reconciling the minister's agenda with my own spiritual callings.

All in all, I continue to fill out my life with things that are familiar and yet new. Let's be clear. This post may be related to me turning 30 this year. I've been thinking about 30 a lot. I have always been "young", given that I skipped kindergarten (and would have been young in my class anyway). Most of my friends are over 30. So I've always felt young, very young at times. And by the grace of God, my life thus far seems like it has been "enough" to turn 30. So there's no grief about the "What ifs." But I will definitely be entering a new phase. A new category. And leaving behind some things. Which is of course the question - what do I want to leave behind and what do I want to take with me? And of the things I take with me, how can I bring them across into full adulthood in a meaningful, appropriate way? Or will I just need to let go and hope to find things I left behind again on the other side?

So I'm realizing that I will probably continue to find connections between the things I choose now and the things I did in my early years. And that will continue to surprise and delight me. And that it may be increasingly important to have people in my life that get where some of these things come from. That see the continuity in my personality and in my life. But it will also be my own job to honor it for myself. Maybe that's the most important - that I pay attention to the story of my life well enough to tell it to others... and back to myself when I forget.

A Menu, and Being Organized

2012-01-11T12:32:00.001-07:00

Happy New Year, interwebs!

What is this? A year-end, reflective post? No, it is not. A resolutions and intentions post? Nope, not that. Oh, I know - an update on all the holiday travel complete with pictures?? Ha. Those are in the works, yes, and by in the works I mean on my mental to do list... but today it's food, baby.

According to our new (!) routine, my nights to make dinner are Wed, Thu, and Fri. I do one more than C because I work at home, I offered to, and we both know that Friday night ends up with us eating out more often than not.

So, a menu for the week. By the way, we generally aim to eat cheaply. This week our grocery bill was $240. For a week. For two people. No, we don't have dogs. I don't know. I'm blaming it on the $20 of meat, the laundry detergent, and the shampoo. But seriously. What the effers. The hubs was flabbergasted. I'm trying to forget about it. So, without further ado!

Tonight's dinner:
What we had planned - Broccoli-cauliflower gratin, cheesy style (Recipe from Eating Well, Dec. 2011 issue). They say the veggies will have more flavor because I am roasting them first. I say, wow, it takes an hour??
But, this is not enough. So in addition, we're going to add... a salad - lettuce, chopped heirloom tomato, (leftover) chickpeas, onion slices, with honey and white vinegar dressing.
All in all: Veggie friendly, a twist on some normal things, using up leftover stuff in the fridge.

Tomorrow's dinner:
Planned - Salmon and black bean tostadas (Another Eating Well recipe). Involving avocado and shredded cabbage.
Again, I think we'll need more. Last night we had pita pizzas (2 each) and by bedtime we were both talking about food. So... maybe I'll put together some spanish rice (yay, new rice cooker!).

By the way, the rice cooker is MAGIC. How does it know that the rice is done? It's amazing - and I want someone to explain it to me.

And then Friday, we could either have creamy stew (recipe to post later) or just go out. I'm going to try to convince the hubs to go out. Shouldn't be too hard!

Happy Holidays & Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T08:30:00.002-07:00

Happy Holidays, dear readers! I hope you have starting filling your yearly quote of cheese puffs, eggnog, gingerbread, wassail, or whatever holiday treat floats your boat. And for those of you who celebrate Christmas, like me, Merry Christmas Eve!

I also have the good fortune of celebrating my husband's birthday on Christmas Eve, which adds to the merriment all around. What a joy to show someone you love how much you care about and delight in them! I'm so grateful for holidays that remind us to really focus on each other like that, constructs though they may be.

My Christmas present to you is the view we had last weekend on our walk by a local waterfall in the snow. Not my picture, but the same experience nonetheless. Magical, beautiful, and cold - as all December things should be!

Excited

2011-12-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have the experience where you look at an opportunity, and the more you look, the more you realize it's EXACTLY what you've been saying you wanted??

It's So. Great.

The (Not So) Big Reveal

2011-12-20T08:05:00.001-07:00

I know. It's a busy time, but you're stuck at your computer wishing you could get away (is that just me?) and looking for entertainment on the blogs. And do I update? No. Am I helping?? No. I'm sorry. It's a busy time here too. I actually have composed about 5 different updates in my head. But that doesn't do you much good, does it? No. :)

Anyway, I can't post links on here again without being totally lame-o. And nothing else is quite as easy and quick. Except to unveil my new haircut. Which I spent three days hating and am now embracing the change. That I chose. Minor though it may appear to you. I know. I'm not the only person that does this haircut hangover thing, right? Am I?

The funny thing is, a friend and I conferred on the planned style. And I'm pretty sure I ended up doing what we agreed was not good. But I'll let you decide.The first picture is in more normal light, but the second lets you see the cut better. And the second one has sparkles, for the holidays or something.

You can't really tell, since it's partly wet right now, but it has way more body than before. And it's just not as annoying as it was when it was longer. For reference:

Getting tangled in scarfs. Blowing like a mask across my face in the wind. Bleh. Did I mention it's cold here?? That's us, sitting on AN ICE BENCH. By the way, when you see a line of people jumping their (warm) butts on and off an ice bench, DO NOT be the last in the line to jump on. Wet jeans. Freezing temps. Is something even a chowder festival (yes, Yummy) can't solve.

:) But that's the fun around here. Ok, like I told yas. I gotta go. More to come.

Venti

2011-12-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to get back into a routine. Actually, that's hilarious. I don't have much of a routine. I'm trying to get back into my daily life, though, after being away from home for a week and then having my mom visit for another. So here I am, eating my oatmeal, up early, trying to squeeze as much morning as possible out of the day before I must get to work. I'm still decompressing from my mom's visit. It was good, but I can't help making lists in my head of things to vent the silliness now that she's gone. Like....

Things my mom doesn't understand:
how to wash dishes without leaving weird residue on them
how to close ziploc baggies
that every word uttered in a room isn't meant for her
that getting a hearing aid really is the solution to not hearing people all the time
that questions aren't attacks.

Things my mom does understand:
that bookstores are for getting lost in
that my husband is wonderful
that cooking us dinner and doing dishes while she is here is greatly appreciated/a big help
that we can't entertain her every moment
what it's like to be in grad school.

So, you take the bad with the good.
Alright, this day isn't going to have itself. Off I go.

Check it out!

2011-12-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

This town is insane. Last weekend they had an ice sculpture competition.

A bee! In ice! Sadly, when we went back to the square yesterday, this one was gone! Most of the others are still doing great. Yay sub-zero temps! Ahem.

And now... Random finds on the net:
Something I learned this week about soldier's uniforms. Shout out to the military!

For current or future job hunters (eventually this will include me), guidance on how to make your resume not suck.

God I freaking love the holiday season. Giving things to the ones you love. Spending time with the ones you love. Making tasty treats and hearty meals. Making spirits bright. Yes, please!!

Somewhere in the randomness of life, we accumulated 4 lemons in our fridge. We have no more recipes requiring lemons in our weekly menu. So, I'm on the hunt for some good lemon dessert recipes. Lemon sugar cookies? Lemon custard? What have you got for me, fair readers??

That's basically all you get for now. We'll see if I can squeeze in another post before Christmas. ;)

Oh the Weather Outside is...

2011-11-30T07:46:00.001-07:00

My plans for my trip back to T-town next week are coming together. It would appear that they're having the same kind of weather we've been having. The forecasters around here keep predicting that we'll have 40 degree highs, almost like they could make the unseasonably warm weather go away if they just ignore it. Because on some level there's a fear building - if it's this nice now, won't we pay for this sun and warmth in a few months with disastrous winter maelstroms?

I'm coming off a few days of not feeling well, trying to hold it together physically to keep up with the work prep. I dragged my sick butt off the couch and went out last night with C to grab pizza with some of his school friends, and one by one the ladies joined me at my end of the table to chat and catch up. I know it makes him happy that I fit in, but to me it just points out how much more freely women show their interest in each other than men do. Which makes me sad, because I want my hubs to feel loved and adored as freely as I do. Doesn't seem to bother him, though.

My mind is busy trying to figure out when Exactly we are going to be watching Elf and A Charlie Brown Christmas. We're already planning to see the (apparently moving and wonderful) Muppet Movie in two weeks when my mom is here. I'm also excited to share with her the upcoming, magical ice sculpture and chowder contest (separate things apparently, though clearly the two go hand in hand), when I get back from my work trip. So much fun to be had! Did I mention that I love this time of year??? I love this time of year!!

C decided my Christmas gift to him can be getting snowshoes (for me) so we can go snowshoeing all winter. I can't decide whether or not to fight him on this one. I mean, I do like the idea... I just feel like I get away with not giving him presents and that someday he's going to turn around and be like - And another thing! Why did you never get me anything nice?? Maybe that's a touch melodramatic thinking?

Morning After

2011-11-28T07:17:00.001-07:00

Are you feeling a little, um, unbalanced nutritionally after the holiday weekend? My sister cooked Thanksgiving dinner for about 30 people (only 3 of whom were under 6). And it was good. So impressive! We may not have managed to get the whipped cream out before the men started eating the pies, but I think it all worked out just fine. We actually did fine with the meals we had while on the trip, but it's the 5 hour drive home that seems to wreck at least two meals in the day. And then yesterday I was fighting some weird sort of post-holiday bug. Anyway, I'm ready to feel better in my skin, which for me always means kicking back into some sort of healthier eating patterns. Here's a plan from Eating Well to get you started. Since I'm a vegetarian when it's not actually a holiday meal, I'm substituting Quorn for turkey on my lunch salad, but otherwise making an effort to follow this plan for at least a day or two. I'm also planning a swim and a yoga class this week to keep the blood flowing. We actually took my dad on two walks while we were visiting - one on the beach and one around the lake. And then I played some backyard soccer with my niece on Saturday and worked up a good sweat. Oh! That reminds me! The weather this weekend was Divine!

Before I run off and do my catchup, I thought I'd throw you a few other items...

A great Thanksgiving reminder from Seth Godin: "A great way to give thanks for the privileges we've got is to do important work." More here.

Read a great blog entry last night, with a great quote from Derek Walcott and some good thoughts about being where I am in life - whatever you call being 29ish. I would like to be feeling this way: "I am getting sharper, clearer, stronger, about the ways I fit into this world, the ways I fit into the lives of others, the way I fit in with myself." I think I am getting closer. I think this next year is actually going to be ALL about that. I'm excited.

I'm using some imagery techniques to help me prepare for this week of important work preparation and next week's big meetings. I find that my habit of avoiding things I'm worrying about (and secretly stressing over them) is much better handled by facing things head on with calm, focused attention. Which when I say it sounds like a duh statement. But that's brains for you - they do some wacky stuff!

Family Timez

2011-11-22T11:10:00.001-07:00

One of the best things going on in my life right now is having a mother-in-law who is so desperately happy to have a girl (two in fact) in her life to connect with... since she has always only had the two boys. I swear she is starting to come out of her shell in new ways because there is more feminine energy around. Just a guess! But the joyous back and forth over Christmas lists and her effusive words about being together over the holidays warms my heart.

I am really, really trying to live the concept that every action, every perspective can be understood, if you are willing. And that life is full of opportunities to realize that things you once thought were preposterous, inexcusable, etc. are just things you hadn't done yet. In other words, Not to Judge. The concept is much easier to practice in some cases than others. But there is no excuse. Practice it without hesitation.

We're off to have Thanksgiving family time first thing tomorrow morning. I decided that cooking my (officially, today) 81-year-old father and his wife dinner is one of the best birthday presents we could give. They always go all out, and we let them. This time we're going to try to spoil them a little. Let them save their energy for telling us stories and showing us the holiday heirlooms or whatever. We'll also be cheering on my nephew at his high school football game on Friday with the rest of the fam.

I love the shit out of family. When it lets me. :)

Enough and Money Matters, 3

2011-11-21T09:54:00.001-07:00

I forget sometimes how much our history defines us. The pain in my neck is from several mild body traumas - a couple car accidents with whiplash from when I was a teenager, a stupid attempt at a back handspring I didn't really know how to do yet as a 10 year old. The lack of trust that I discover laying secret under various stones in my brain is from several mild psychological traumas. Then of course there are our temperaments, which can combine with our experiences to create who we are. And then, the royal jewel on top of it all, is the choice we have about how to respond to all of this.

I can't help but refer to this awesome quote from way back when... thanks to Angela Chase:
"People always say you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster or something. Like you can know what it is even. But every so often I'll have like, a moment, when just being myself in my life, right where I am, is like, enough."

That's the goal. To be enough where I am.

I closed my Bank of America account. I couldn't bring myself to tell the people exactly why. I just couldn't. It's not their fault. I mumbled something about moving to a local credit union. The woman insinuated that I'll be back when they can't do what I need. I doubt it.

I also have noticed in the last few days a lot of press/information about Bank of America's charity efforts. Which of course made me think twice. Maybe they are doing good things. But the CEO's salary is $900,000-plus. I'm pretty sure the CEO of our local credit union ain't making that much. Besides, having a "charity" program to offset the impacts of what you are doing is not the same thing as doing business with a conscience. And I'm sitting here marveling that we have finally found ourselves in a place where our rent is not more than 1/4 of our income and it is grand! Grand. Who the flop needs $900,000 a year? Plus, that's just the start of it...

"The Charlotte, N.C.-based bank [Bank of America] said in a regulatory filing the base salary of CEO Brian Moynihan will remain $950,000 for 2011.
His pay package will also include $9.05 million in performance-based stock awards, to be granted Feb. 15. Those shares may eventually be converted into 40 percent cash and 60 percent stock, and earn dividends like regular shares."

More here...

By the way, I'm discovering that what I want to spend at least 25% of my time doing is living life and pondering and writing and educating about just all of it. Saying that out loud is so very scary. Because it puts a lot of emphasis on my writing, and if I want to make money, even more so. But they say, what would you do if you didn't have to work? And that is it for me right now. That and improve things and talk to people. :)

Find a Lovely View

2011-11-18T06:41:00.001-07:00

Good morning, dear ones. I must jet off to save the world/keep my work team organized, but before I do, just a little moment of zen.

I woke up with a smile this morning, having had a whimsical, entertaining dream about my father and I going to a skating rink that was actually a pool. And then the hubs came in and cuddled me awake. The sun is shining, it's FRIDAY, and it's going to be great! I suspect that part of my joy comes from the knowledge that we are creeping ever closer to my two favorite holidays - Thanksgiving, and Christmas - and that I have most of my shopping done. :) And I am also relieved that what at moments seemed like a frantic week turned out in fact to be quite good.

So, I offer you this: a beautiful day can happen at any time. Today is precious: it has never happened before! Know that each moment is a gift, cheesy as that sounds, and use it to be just who you want to be. You have a compass, lead yourself in the right direction.

And look for lovely views, like my view at breakfast - a big, tall tree keeping me company, watching over the neighborhood, marking the seasons for all to see against a big blue sky.

Oh My God People

2011-11-16T08:18:00.001-07:00

I'm having a little perfect storm of work stress right now. Mostly I'm trying to Deal Directly, and then Look the Other Way. But it's gotten to the point where my boss and our funder are giving us different direction. About something that affects our funding. And that's stressful. Very stressful. The boss is out of the country. And we know better than to put things in writing.

But, I think times like these also remind me how not stressful my job is usually. My stress is usually just about doing things well, doing lots of things in a timely manner, not forgetting things when so much volume is going "across my desk". (Obviously the only thing actually going across my desk is mugs of tea and glasses of water, but you know, digital age) And while that kind of stress does get to me, because learning new things is apparently hard and stuff, it's greatly preferable to this biznass.

That is all. Back to it. :)