Busy

I take offense at the idea that if I say I'm busy I'm boasting. Generally when I'm busy, I'm not necessarily happy about it. I much prefer days and days of sitting around, catching up with friends, soaking in the sun, with no schedule. I agree with this author that there is great benefit in moments of ease and synergy that comes unexpectedly while eating ice cream.

I will admit that after a stretch of very full days, it takes me a day of really being "off duty" to wind down, and it's usually a little bit, um, emotional. The scary thing is that I haven't had a day like that in a long while. I think sometimes we get stuck on overdrive and even keep ourselves busy on days off. My next big break is going to be on my birthday next week, since I have it off of work and a day to do what I wish. Luxurious freedom!

What really messes with my head about how busy I am at work and in my personal life is the idea that if you put your head down and do each of the next things you think you're supposed to do, you can end up somewhere totally different than where you wanted to go. In fact, much of my desire to be organized stems from this fear. I set goals, I check in, and I try to step back. But I can feel the force of everyone around me also moving faster and faster, sucking me into it. So I have to fight back to get that critical space in which to think.